SELF LOVE

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Why is self-love important when it comes to living a good life

Self-love can sometimes be a challenging concept to understand. Some of us don’t even realize we should be self-loving, and it was a realization that came later in life for me. One thing we all know for sure is that it is not only important but also critical for anyone serious 

about living a great life.

Putting yourself first is not selfish

The most important thing in your life is you.

You are the only one who can care for you—and that’s the first step toward caring for the rest of the world.

When you put yourself first, it doesn’t mean that you’re selfish or self-absorbed; it means that you’re caring for yourself in a way that allows you to do more for others.

You might feel indulgent and selfish, but it’s necessary part of being successful at everything else. Nothing else will happen if you don’t care for yourself. You won’t be able to be an effective parent, spouse, friend, employee. You’ll take on too much and not have time for anyone else.

But when we start thinking about “putting ourselves first” as something other than selfishness, things open up for us: we can start making choices about how we spend our time and energy so that we can make room for more good things in our lives—for ourselves and those around us.

It’s easy to get caught up in what others need from us and forget that we need things too. And while it may seem like it’s selfish to prioritize yourself above others, putting yourself first is an act of selflessness—because if you don’t take care of yourself first, who will?

We must also care for ourselves because our bodies are temples—they house our minds and souls, which are necessary to give and receive love from others. We all deserve happiness, but we can’t give happiness away if we don’t have any ourselves!

Self-love leads to acceptance

It’s easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else thinks of you or what society says is important. But if we only focus on ourselves and our happiness, we can see that there are more important things in this world other than  what people think of us.

Self-love leads to acceptance. Once we accept who we are, it becomes easier to accept others. We will be able to see that everyone has their struggles and imperfections and will no longer judge them for those things—because we know that we have our struggles and imperfections too!

When you love yourself, you can accept yourself for who you are. This can help with various things, such as self-esteem or body image. When we don’t accept ourselves, we are more likely to feel like we aren’t good enough or that something about us needs to be fixed.

That feeling of not being good enough can lead us to self-doubt and low self-esteem. Self-love helps us feel better about ourselves, which makes it easier for us to move forward in life without feeling like there’s something wrong with us.

Self-love also allows us to be honest when we need to change something about our lives. For example, if someone needs help finding a job because they have no experience, they may only realize that they need more experience once they start looking for jobs.

If this person had been practicing self-love instead of self-doubt, they would have realized sooner that they needed more experience and could have started working towards getting it sooner!

Self-love leads to motivation and creativity

When you love yourself, you can make the best decisions for yourself. When you have the freedom to make choices that work best for your life, you can live in a way that feels good for you. This means that if something isn’t working out or making you happy, it’s easier for you to change course than if you don’t love yourself or aren’t confident in what makes you happy.

We’re more likely to be creative when we’re confident in ourselves and our abilities. And when we’re creative, we are more likely to come up with new solutions to problems or work through difficult situations by thinking outside the box—something that will help us create better lives for ourselves!

When you feel good about yourself and have confidence in your abilities, you can tackle any challenge that comes your way. You will be able to chase after your goals without being stopped by fear or doubt.

Self-love also leads to creativity because it helps you stay open-minded and flexible in all situations. When you are confident in who you are and what you bring to the table, it becomes much easier for others around you to respect your opinions and work with them on projects instead of against them over disagreements that could have been avoided if they knew more about who they were working with beforehand!

Self-love leads to a healthier lifestyle

When you can love yourself for who you are, you will be less likely to make poor decisions that could lead to a life of unhealthy habits. For example, if you do not love yourself enough, then you may feel like you deserve the right to drink alcohol every night or smoke cigarettes. However, if you genuinely love yourself and want what is best for your body and mind, then these bad habits will not appeal to you as much as they would if they were just something everyone else was doing.

Self-love also helps improve relationships with others. When you truly love yourself and accept yourself without judgment or criticism from others, it will allow people around you to treat you with kindness. This can even help improve relationships with family members who have been critical of their choices in the past.

To live a good life, you must take care of yourself. This means eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep. It also means tending to your emotional needs by spending time with family and friends and taking advantage of opportunities for self-care, such as taking a bubble bath or going on a long hike.

Self-love means doing things that make you feel good about yourself: making time for hobbies you enjoy, getting dressed up for no reason other than the joy of it, treating yourself to something special just because—and these things all contribute towards living a healthy life. I offer life coaching services to help improve different areas of your life, feel free to contact me for a free consultation.

BY: RACHAEL NYANCHAMA 

NO NEED OF REGRETS

Regret is a negative emotion that occurs when a person believes his or her past actions or behaviors, if changed, may have achieved a better outcome. Regret is often closely associated with feelings of guilt and shame. We often express the emotion of regret to others in the form of an apology.

=>Emotions 

**Emotions are not the same thing as moods. A mood is a state of mind that predisposes us to react a certain way. For example, someone in a low mood is more likely to feel irritated when they trip on a rock. Someone in a good mood is more likely to feel amused by the incident. In general, emotions are reactions to an event, while moods are present before and throughout the event.

**Emotions by themselves are neither good nor bad. They are simply reactions. However, the way we act (or don’t act) on our emotions can strongly affect our well-being.

=>Guilt 

feeling people typically have after doing something wrong, intentionally or accidentally. A person’s sense of guilt usually relates to their moral code.

Guilt isn’t necessarily bad. Sometimes it’s even productive. Feeling bad after making a mistake can lead to change, such as an apology or a decision to make different choices in the future. A “guilty pleasure” can describe something harmless a person enjoys even if they feel they shouldn’t or are embarrassed about their tastes.

But guilt is sometimes unhelpful. It can cause physical symptoms, self-doubt, decreased self-esteem, and shame. It can be difficult to overcome these feelings, especially in the case of chronic guilt. But it is possible, especially with help.

If you are struggling with feelings of guilt, contact a qualified counselor who can help you get to the root of these feelings, understand why they persist, and help you address them. Doing so can help prevent them from affecting you negatively.

WHAT IS GUILT?

It isn’t always easy to understand what guilt is. In fact, guilt and shame are often confused with each other, though they’re distinct emotions. Guilt describes a sense of regret or responsibility that relates to actions taken. People may feel guilt over things they actually did wrong, things they believe were their fault, or things they had no responsibility for. Survivor’s guilt, for example, can affect people who survived tragedies when many others died.

People tend to only feel guilty over actions they see as “bad” or “wrong.” A person who believes they are entitled to a higher wage may steal small amounts of money from their boss without ever feeling guilty. But a person who finds a wallet and keeps the money inside without making any effort to find the owner may feel guilty for months or even years, if they believe the “right” thing to do would have been to turn in the wallet.

Some people experience chronic guilt, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy. This type of guilt can lead to destructive actions instead of positive change. People might also manipulate others with what’s known as a “guilt trip” by using a person’s guilty feelings as a tool to them to do what they want.

Someone who feels guilty about something they did might take steps to correct their mistake, apologize, or otherwise make amends. This usually causes feelings of guilt to decrease.

But shame, which describes a regret or sense of responsibility that relates to the self, can be more difficult to address. It’s not always easy to reduce feelings of shame, especially shame that isn’t fully understood. People sometimes feel ashamed of some part of themselves without knowing why. A person might also feel shame when other people know about actions they feel guilty over.

Shame can cause people to feel unworthy or somehow inadequate. It may lead to isolation, acts of self-punishment, or other potentially harmful behaviors.

=>shame 

experience of shame—a feeling of being unworthy, bad, or wrong—can be extremely uncomfortable. Shame has the potential to change the way we see ourselves and may lead to long-lasting social, professional, and sexual difficulties.

The word “shame” means different things to different people, though shame is different from guilt and embarrassment. Guilt is usually understood to involve negative feelings about an act one has committed, while embarrassment deals with a societal reaction. Shame, on the other hand, involves negative feelings about oneself, and although a person can be shamed by peers or society in general, shame can also be experienced secretly.

Unresolved shame can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Shame may also be a symptom of some mental health diagnoses, such as body dysmorphia, or the product of a traumatic experience, such as rape or sexual assault.

Living with shame, regardless of the shame’s source, can be a lonely and demoralizing experience. Therapy can help by addressing the underlying cause. When shame is due to a past misdeed, the right therapist can support a person to make amends or move on.

SHAME: A UNIVERSAL EMOTION

Most research suggests that people from all cultures, environments, and geographic regions experience shame. Research on facial expressions even suggests that expressions associated with shame and guilt are widely recognizable, even among people viewing images of those from vastly different cultures.

WHAT IS REGRET?

The emotion of regret can be broken down into two components:

• A negative emotional state
• Cognitive construction of an alternative behavior or decision

Even if the alternative decision or behavior was highly improbable or impossible, it can cause the person experiencing regret to apply a degree of self-blame.

Regret may be characterized by negativity about the past in general, or about a particular incident in the past. For example, a person might feel badly about the way he or she has spent his or her life and be plagued by regret. Alternatively, the person might just feel badly about a particular incident—such as yelling at his or her mother the last time he or she saw her—and feel regret about it.

Regret tends to be a long-lasting emotion, and people might say that they are plagued by feelings of regret that they cannot eliminate. However, regret can also be a short-lived feeling. For example, a child might regret tripping his or her sister and then quickly move past these feelings. The fact that regret is associated with the past, though, can make it particularly difficult to process because the actions that led to the regret cannot be changed.

Feelings of regret are common themes for coming-of-age stories as well as stories in which people take stock of their lives. A character in a movie, for example, might suffer from negative feelings about the way he or she spent his or her life.

HOW REGRET CAN BE HELPFUL

Regret can be a beneficial by helping the person experiencing it gain insight and improve future decision-making skills. Research from the last two decades (2007) even theorizes that regret is an essential psychological construct related to decision-making, coping, and learning.

Regret can also be helpful because it signals the need for a corrective action, which can push people into implementing that action. Under the right circumstances, this can be considered a beneficial consequence of regret.

MENTAL HEALTH AND REGRET

Even though regret may bring positive change to one’s life, regret is more commonly associated with the negative effects it can have on a person’s happiness. Regret may lead to:

• A bias in one’s decision-making, resulting in poor choices being made
• Anxiety caused by repeatedly thinking about the perceived better choice or behavior
• Chronic feelings of sadness and dysphoria
• Varying degrees of guilt
• Shame
• Anger

Regret can significantly impede happiness because regret often causes people to feel shame, sadness, or remorse about decisions or the ways in which they have spent their lives. Sometimes regret can contribute to depression, but depression can also cause feelings of regret that were not previously there.

Therapy can be a useful tool to help you or someone you know cope with feelings of regret. When people spend years fixating on a regrettable choice they often need help to move past it, and seeking a therapist can help people talk through, understand, and move beyond regret.

By Rachael Nyanchama 

The Power of Positive Thinking

The power of positive thinking is remarkable.

In fact, the idea that your mind can change your world almost seems too good to be true.

I can assure you, however, that I have experienced AND witnessed the good that focusing on the positive can bring.

But before I get into that, let me ask you a question.

Can you guess what the most successful and happy people think about all day long?

The answer is quite simple…

Healthy, happy people think about what they want, and how to get it, most of the time. In this way developing a positive attitude can truly change your entire life.

When you think and talk about what you want and how to get it, you feel happier and in greater control of your life. When you think about something that makes you happy, your brain actually releases endorphins, which give you a generalized feeling of well-being.

As a result, you develop a positive attitude.

How to Think Positive

Based on many psychological tests, happy people seem to have a special quality that enables them to live a better life than the average.

Can you guess what it is?

It’s the quality of optimism!

The best news about optimism is that it is a learnable quality. That means you can learn how to think positive by taking adopting an optimistic mindset.

By the law of cause and effect, if you do and say what other healthy, happy people with positive attitudes do and say, you will soon feel the same way, get the same results, and enjoy the same experiences that they do.

Happy People Find Good in the World

Optimists seem to have different ways of dealing with the world that set them apart from the average.

1. First, they keep their minds on what they want, and keep looking for ways to get it.  They are clear about goals and they are confident that they will accomplish them, sooner or later.
2. Second, optimists look for the good in every problem or difficulty.  When things go wrong, as they often do, they say, “That’s good!”  And then set about finding something positive about the situation.

What we know is that, if you are looking for something good or beneficial in a person or situation, you will always find it.  And while you are looking, you will be a more positive and cheerful person. 

How Do You Train Your Mind to Think Positive?

Training your mind to think positive can be achieved by leveraging a simple concept. Your mind has enough bandwidth to only focus on one thought at a time. All you have to do is keep it focused on uplifting thoughts until you form the same types of neural pathways that are created when you establish a new habit.

When a negative event occurs, remember that it’s your response that truly determines the outcome. Always look for the positive response or optimistic lesson when such events take place.

Positive affirmations are positive phrases that can be repeated over and over to teach you how to get rid of negative thoughts and encourage a positive attitude.

I also find motivation from inspirational quotes and messages to be very useful when trying to induce positive thoughts.

Decide To Be Happy

Resolve from now to see your glass of life as half full rather than half empty. Happy people give thanks for the many blessings in life rather than worrying or complaining about the things they do not have.

Assume the best of intentions on the part of everyone around you.  Most people are pretty decent, honest and are trying to do the very best they know how to.  When you look for something good in their words and actions, you will almost always find something.

Finally, resolve to be cheerful, no matter what happens.

Looking on the bright side is most important when things go wrong.

Your Positive Attitude in Action

It is easy to to be cheerful when everything is going according to plan.  But, it is when you encounter unexpected setbacks and difficulties that you demonstrate to yourself, and the world around you, what kind of an attitude you really have.

Make sure that it is a positive one!

How Positive Thinking Can Help You

Developing a positive attitude can help you in more ways than you might realize. When you think positive thoughts, you don’t allow your mind (conscious or subconscious) to entertain any negative thoughts or doubts.

After you learn how to think positive, you will notice amazing changes all around you. Your brain will actually begin to operate in a state of free-flowing feel-good hormones called endorphins, which will make you feel lighter and happier. You’ll also notice a major boost in confidence and will feel more capable of taking on new assignments and challenges that might have previously been outside your comfort zone.

By reducing your self-limiting beliefs, you will effectively release your brakes and experience growth like you never imagined. Essentially, you can change your entire life simply by harnessing the power of positive thinking.

Thank you for reading my blog about the power of positive thinking and developing a positive attitude. I hope it will inspire you to see the good in others and help you to improve your life.

By Rachael Nyanchama 

GENDER BASED VIOLENCE (GBV)

Gender-Based Violence (Violence Against Women and Girls)

Gender-based violence (GBV) or violence against women and girls (VAWG), is a global pandemic that affects 1 in 3 women in their lifetime.

The numbers are staggering:

• 35% of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence.
• Globally, 7% of women have been sexually assaulted by someone other than a partner.
• Globally, as many as 38% of murders of women are committed by an intimate partner.
• 200 million women have experienced female genital mutilation/cutting.

This issue is not only devastating for survivors of violence and their families, but also entails significant social and economic costs. In some countries, violence against women is estimated to cost countries up to 3.7% of their GDP – more than double what most governments spend on education.

Failure to address this issue also entails a significant cost for the future.  Numerous studies have shown that children growing up with violence are more likely to become survivors themselves or perpetrators of violence in the future.

One characteristic of gender-based violence is that it knows no social or economic boundaries and affects women and girls of all socio-economic backgrounds: this issue needs to be addressed in both developing and developed countries.

Decreasing violence against women and girls requires a community-based, multi-pronged approach, and sustained engagement with multiple stakeholders. The most effective initiatives address underlying risk factors for violence, including social norms regarding gender roles and the acceptability of violence.

Support for survivors of violence

Despite the extensive work done by women’s organizations, governments and other partners, many women and girls who are subjected to violence still lack access to essential services that support their safety, health and access to justice. To respond to these needs, in 2013 UNFPA and UN Women initiated the Joint Global Programme on Essential Services for Women and Girls Subject to Violence. In collaboration with other UN partners, the programme is developing guidance to improve survivors’ access to these services and to ensure the quality of these services, with a particular focus on health, justice (including policing and legal aid), social services (such as psycho-social counselling, helplines and safe houses), and coordination and governance.

UNFPA also plays a key role in addressing gender-based violence through its programmes on sexual and reproductive health. Health services are among the first places survivors of abuse seek assistance. As the lead UN agency working on sexual and reproductive health and reproductive rights, UNFPA has critical opportunities to reach affected women and girls. Additionally, most women – even in remote areas – are likely to seek family planning or maternal health services at least once in their lifetimes, making health care a critical entry point for violence-related information and assistance.  

UNFPA-supported health programmes provide information about women’s and girls’ rights, including their right to live free of abuse. These programmes also provide essential medical supplies, such as rape kits, to assist survivors, and support psychosocial and legal counselling. In Rwanda, for example, UNFPA is working with other UN agencies in “one-stop centres” to address the diverse physical, emotional and social needs of survivors. 

UNFPA also helps survivors of gender-based violence in humanitarian crises, where violence against women often escalates. For example, in Haiti, Uganda, Sierra Leone and Nepal, UNFPA’s humanitarian responses included addressing the needs of those who had experienced gender-based violence.

RESPONDING 

Responding to violence against women in development and humanitarian settings is a strategic priority for UNFPA. This includes eliminating harmful practices such as female genital mutilation and child marriage. UNFPA works in 135 countries to address violence against women, and in 2015 alone invested over $93 million in eliminating gender-based violence and harmful practices. The Fund also collects data to accurately document incidents of violence, and helps to develop, enforce and reform national laws and policies on gender-based violence. In Mauritania, for example, UNFPA supported a programme in which midwives worked with imams to call for an end to rape. This led to the development of the first batch of national statistics on the issue and the establishment of the first centre for survivors.

UNFPA and partner UN agencies are also leading the charge to end violence against women and girls at the global level. UNFPA co-chaired the Inter-Agency Violence Against Women Task Force, and is a key partner in the UNiTE to End Violence against Women campaign, a worldwide effort led by the UN Secretary-General. And UNFPA is a member of Stop Rape Now: UN Action to Stop Sexual Violence in Conflicts. UNFPA often chairs the UN Gender Theme Groups and leads or co-leads in the coordination of responses to gender-based violence, especially in humanitarian contexts. In addition, since 2007, UNFPA has co-led, with UNICEF, the Joint Programme to End Female Genital Mutilation/Cutting, working with communities to encourage the abandonment of FGM, a harmful practice that injures women and girls.

RAISING YOUR STANDARDS

HOW TO RAISE YOUR STANDARDS

IT STARTS WITH TURNING YOUR “SHOULDS” INTO “MUSTS”

How many times have you told yourself what you “should” do?

I should lose weight.
I should be more confident.
I should earn more money.
I should have a more passionate relationship.

People have an endless list of things they believe they should do or should follow through on. And these “shoulds” carry about the same weight as a New Year’s resolution — that is, if it happens, then that’s exciting. But if not, it won’t be too disappointing because you kind of knew it wasn’t really going to happen anyway.

But what happens when you decide something is an absolute “must?” What happens when you cut off any other possibility than you succeeding — when you decide that you are either going to find a way to make something happen or you’ll create the way yourself? This concept of never settling for less can change your mindset for the better.

When you raise your standards and turn “should” into “must,” you are making an inner shift to take control over the quality of your life. Any area you are not getting what you want is because you haven’t raised your standards.

Take your relationship, for example. This is a direct reflection of your standards. Some people are in a relationship right now but they aren’t happy because their standard is that they must be in a relationship, not that they must have passion and excitement and pure joy and love. Others may not be in a relationship because their standard is that they must not be hurt.

If you want real change, you have to be willing to do your part. And it starts with asking yourself, honestly, who you are.

Are you a winner? Or are you always a step behind? Are you the life of the party? Or are you more reserved?

Answering this question and discovering what your true beliefs are about yourself is critical. Because this is your identity. And the fact is we are hard-wired to follow through on who we believe we are.

Consider someone who is trying to quit smoking. He may say to himself, “I’m going to do my best to stop smoking, but I’ve always been a smoker.” It doesn’t matter how hard he tries, if his identity is that he is a smoker, it’s futile. And the days until he is back smoking again are numbered. Because we act consistently with and ultimately become who we believe we are.

Most people, if they look at how they are living their lives today, will find that their identify is based on a set of standards and a set of beliefs they created 10, 20, 30 or more years ago. In fact, many of us made decisions when we were kids about what to believe, what we are capable, and who we are as a person, and that became the glass ceiling that controls us. But are you the same person you were back then? Are you the same person you were even a year ago?

Eventually, most people simply stop trying to break through that glass ceiling. They chock it up to “that’s just the way it is in my life,” or tell themselves “that’s just who I am.” But ironically, when you do this, you are actually denying who you really are. You are living under a false identity that is based off of false beliefs you adopted some time in the past.

So how do you define yourself? And when did you start to believe that? How many years ago did you decide what you could and could not do in your life? Don’t you think it’s time to raise your standards, turn your “shoulds” into “musts” and give yourself a new identity?

The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves. And you may just find that by making these changes, you can make lasting change in your quality of life.

Find even more strength and empowerment with Rachael Nyanchama